That Mall is sick and that Store is dead!

April 18, 2022

“More Herb” (copied from my ‘history’ blog), 1986

Filed under: commercials,feud,fewd,newspaper clippings,what — Anita @ 12:09 pm

So when I made that 1986 Super Bowl commercials entry a few months back, I wanted to touch more on Herb, but needed the extra time to obsessively flip through old newspapers online. I did it.

When these cryptic ads began to pop up in papers in November of 1985, people named Herb who owned money to let’s say, mob bosses began to get weary.

Of course, the parodies and jokes began to roll out:

It is still too early to tell whether Herb is doing for Burger King what Shamu has done for Sea World. But one thing is sure — other chain restaurants are intent on stealing some of Herb’s thunder. Signs at Wendy’s and Ponderosa Steak House outlets in Central Florida proclaim that Herb is too busy eating in those places to appear at Burger King. Pizza Hut, in celebration of last week’s National Pizza Week and to promote its new delivery service in this market, distributed pizza boxes containing a flier that read: “Herb won’t be eating burgers this week either.” There has even been a sighting of a trailer sign in front of a local Presbyterian church with the message: “Man does not live by bread alone, Herb.” Perhaps to fend off the exploitation of its campaign by rivals, Burger King will finally unveil Herb this week. He will surface Tuesday morning on NBC’s Today show. 1

I had to re-read this article several times to understand it.

And of course, people stole the cardboard cutouts of Herb that were in every Burger King.

I wanted to find newspaper articles about people finding Herb in their town-after all, he visited every state and parts of Canada. That was harder than I thought it would be! Turns out, sometimes, the local paper din’t care or didn’t know that Herb had arrived, I guess. I mean, before Herb made his super bowl debut, articles began popping up wondering if people would even care once Herb showed his face.

Also, I wasn’t aware that Herb showed up on Today before the commercial. How dare he!

People in York, Pennsylvania seemed annoyed by the campaign:

Also, people who were named Herb (ok, maybe one or two people) were upset, which is really stupid:

Boy, you are 32 years old, you have bigger fish to fry than to be upset over a commercial. Also, don’t remind people about Herbert Hoover. He was a terrible president.

Then, there was a guy in Colorado who looked an awful lot like Herb:

Someone got mad that he wore glasses?

Suffolk News Herald, March 12, 1986

and of course, the boomer jokes.

Little kids did a program for old people where they parodied old commercials. A kid attempted to dress like Herb!

In Schuykill County, Pennsylvania, kids dressed like Herb for a contest! You’re right, Kelly, Herb is funny.

Herb even made a yearbook or two.

Alright, alright, so Herb hits the road!

(these aren’t in order)

Kansas – Levenworth

Maryland – Baltimore

Nevada – Reno

Arizona – Tempe

(also an interview with Herb! Jon Menick stays in character though the interview! Just a lil guy from Wisconsin!)

Mmm! Wisconsin couldn’t make their mind up whether they were proud or embarrassed by Herb:

(also, Wisconsin – Milwaukee)

Pennsylvania – unknown

Herb visited Gimbel’s department store in Pittsburgh.

He also showed up at an American Heart Association fundraiser while in Pennsylvania.??

Montana – Bozeman

Hawaii Hilo

North Carolina – Charlotte

Utah – West Valley City

Mississippi – Biloxi

This Herb sighting kind of bummed me out. The winner would go to the same Burger King six or seven times a day for two months. That’s redic.

Florida – Lake Worth

Ohio – [Grove City?]

Illinois – Chicago

(the Gary from the commercial! )

I thought, `Hey! That looks like Herb!’ ” said the 24-year-old Franklin Park bachelor. Like the rest of us, Sirotzke has been inundated lately with teasers about Madison Avenue’s ultimate nebbish, billed as the only American never to have set lips on a Whopper. “So I went up and asked him, and all this happened.” 2

Rhode Island – [Providence?]

]

A giggly, glossy-faced fellow with thinning hair and horn-rimmed glasses, [Herb] hiked up his pant leg to proudly display his white socks, tweaked the winner’s cheeks, and invited him to reciprocate. When Ham obliged, Herb said, “I love you. Some of the people are . . .,” and he made a deadly face.
As he spoke, he took a black marker to sign a huge plastic banner. Meaning to write, “Herb was here,” he got confused and wrote, “Herb was Herb.” A Burger King employee pointed out the mistake. Herb giggled, then wrote, “You was you.”
The reporters paid more attention to Herb than the customers did. If nothing else, Herb knows his way around the press. He took one reporter aside and in conspiratorial tones, promised to tell the full story behind the story when the Herb shtick ends in March. 3

Wyoming – Laramie

(from Reddit user wyoming_1)

Idaho – Twin Falls

New Mexico – Albuquerque

Texas – El Paso

El Paso broke the mold by telling people herb would be in the area that day!

I’d love to find every single Herb appearance, but I’ve been at this for hours. I’m upset I couldn’t find Virginia! Oh, wait, I forgot one — Vermont (Brattleboro) . Vermont LOVED Herb the Nerd. They went behind the scenes with him in his Jon Menick clothes! He got a haircut! The article is too big so I linked to the jpg of the newspaper scan.

Another article that’s too big is this absolutely insane article from Florida where someone found Jon Menick’s parents and did a long interview with them, including baby pictures! (1, 2)

I wanted to know if the $1 million was given away! Yes! It was in Louisville, Kentucky at the still open Oxmoor Center Mall where Herb had visited a few months prior. A young man who worked at Sears won the million dollars.

Herb looks upset in that photo. Probably because it would be his last public appearance.

Before this, he appeared at Werestlemania II as a timekeeper along with Joan Rivers. All I can find is this gif. (source)

The Herb campaign was on many “worst of” 1986 lists. Along with Joan Rivers!

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  1. Reed, Julia. ‘Herb Again’. Orlando Sentinel , January 20, 1986.
  2. “Herb the Nerd Surfaces Auditor IDs Him, Wins $5,000 Prize.” Chicago Sun – Times, Jan 31, 1986.
  3. Johnson, Maria Miro. “Herb hands out $5,000, hams it up for press Cranston man claims reward for spotting actor.” Providence Journal, February 6. 1986.

April 30, 2016

That time Michaels didn’t get that I was teasing them on facebook

Filed under: what — Anita @ 9:48 pm

I saw something on the Michaels Crafts Facebook page and I referred to it as “Basic”, as in something with no creativity.

Screen shot 2016-04-30 at 8.38.10 PM

…. Michaels liked it.

November 23, 2015

Unavailable #pattipie ‘s at Walmart 

Filed under: Wal Mart,what — Anita @ 9:30 pm


Due to the soaring popularity of this man’s review of Patti LaBelle’s sweet potato pie, it’s sold out at Walmart everywhere.

May 26, 2015

How Bizarre 

Filed under: what — Anita @ 11:47 pm

January 15, 2015

Target winds down in Canada

Filed under: dead chains,Target,what — Anita @ 2:55 pm

Target took over the old Zellers stores barely a year and a half ago.

September 9, 2014

Truck fire leads to death investigation in Hampton – dailypress.com

Filed under: Hampton,newmarket fair mall,what — Anita @ 11:12 pm

HAMPTON—

Firefighters apparently did not realize the smoldering truck they extinguished at about 4 a.m. Tuesday also contained a deceased occupant.

Police are now conducting a suspicious death investigation after officers were called back to the scene when a body was discovered shortly before 10:30 a.m. in the Sears Auto Care Center parking lot in the 5200 block of West Mercury Boulevard.

“At the time (of the fire), weather conditions were pretty poor,” Hampton Police spokesman Sgt. Jason Price said. “The deceased person was not discovered at that time.”

Several inches of rain fell throughout Monday and overnight into Tuesday, according to the National Weather Service, in Wakefield.

“They responded to a vehicle fire on Mercury Boulevard and it’s being investigated as we speak,” Hampton Division of Fire and Rescue Assistant Chief Jeff Pereira said. “That’s all I can tell you now.”

The body — which was still inside the 2006 Dodge Dakota when media arrived Tuesday morning — will be transported to the Norfolk Medical Examiner’s Office for an autopsy.

Police could not determine the identity of the victim because of the condition of the body, which was burned, Hampton Police Division spokeswoman Cpl. Mary Shackelford said.

Police are still determining the identity and whereabouts of the vehicle’s owner.

Investigators are still determining whether the incident is a criminal matter, Price said. The deceased person’s identity will be made public if police determine the incident was criminal in nature.

Tuesday’s incident was the second within a week on the Peninsula in which a body was found inside a burning vehicle.

On Friday, Newport News police found the body of 28-year-old Portsmouth resident Jermaine Custis in the trunk of a car found near the intersection of Jefferson Avenue and 12th Street. Firefighters initially responded to the scene after receiving a report of a vehicle on fire, though it was put out by an employee of a nearby lumber business before officials arrived.

Newport News officials found Custis’ body after checking the car. They said the body did not appear burned, with fire damage confined to the car.

While Hampton police are talking to officials with neighboring law enforcement agencies about the case, Shackelford said Tuesday it would be premature to make any connection between the two incidents.

Staff writer Andrea Castillo contributed to this story. Brauchle can be reached by phone at 757-247-2827.

via Truck fire leads to death investigation in Hampton – dailypress.com.

June 10, 2014

“The Beautiful Decay of Bedrock City | VICE United States”

Filed under: what — Anita @ 1:21 pm

The Beautiful Decay of Bedrock City | VICE United States.

April 2, 2013

“Caldor – Asset Protection – Numerical Analysis – YouTube”

Filed under: caldor,dead chains,what,You Tube Garbage — Anita @ 6:45 pm

Caldor – Asset Protection – Numerical Analysis

via Caldor – Asset Protection – Numerical Analysis – YouTube.

Caldor - Asset Protection - Numerical Analysis - YouTube

This vid is like Jerkface Audit Man vs. Man Who Knows Way Too Much Info Audit Man.

ooo, but there’s bloopers.

///edit///

This Ames one from 1996 is also pretty enjoyable. It’s drowning in middle school nostalgia:

Screen shot 2013-04-02 at 8.04.40 PM

En employee trying to steal Cover Girl makeup…

Screen shot 2013-04-02 at 8.06.03 PM

Caboodles in the security mirror reflection!

Screen shot 2013-04-02 at 8.08.07 PM

…and a backpack purse!

Waffle House Employee Faces a Year in Jail for Criminally Stupid April Fools Joke

Filed under: dead stores,Hampton,what — Anita @ 11:23 am

Waffle House Employee Faces a Year in Jail for Criminally Stupid April Fools Joke.

Police in Hampton, Virginia, spent hours investigating an early-morning report of a robbery at a local Waffle House, sending out officers to do a door-to-door neighborhood canvas, sweeping the scene for evidence, and even bringing in the K-9 unit to help track down suspects.

But it was all just a joke.

Of course, everybody is like “…she’s 20?”

March 26, 2013

“1970s Bloomingdales Was a ‘Sexual Meeting Ground'” (Jezebel Article)

Filed under: what — Anita @ 8:12 pm

1970s Bloomingdales Was a ‘Sexual Meeting Ground’.

Screen shot 2013-03-26 at 9.04.06 PM Screen shot 2013-03-26 at 9.04.25 PM Screen shot 2013-03-26 at 9.04.50 PM Screen shot 2013-03-26 at 9.05.13 PM Screen shot 2013-03-26 at 9.06.00 PM Screen shot 2013-03-26 at 9.06.49 PM Screen shot 2013-03-26 at 9.07.28 PM

Here’s a delightful 1970s news story on Bloomies being the hottest pick-up spot in town. At all hours you could catch young people cruising — in the sports section, mens department, and at the cheese counter over a wedge of brie. Once matches were made, the hipster couples of the UES would sport Famous Amos T-shirts to shop for chrome and glass furniture. So hot.

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